Never Truly Gone
by Sardixiis
Summary: When Rafael Barba walked away from Manhattan SVU none of them had expected to hear from him or see him again. True friendships, however, endure no matter the time or distance apart. Sometimes all it takes is a national news story and a trip to the hospital to realize a departed friend is never truly gone.
1. Chapter 1

**Never Truly Gone**

**Chapter One**

The scent of coffee permeated the room and was complimented by a background hum of voices. Together they led to an incredibly comforting atmosphere. It was the perfect way to spend a morning.

Rafael Barba took a sip of his cappuccino and flipped open the main fold of the paper to see the full front page. The coffee shop was his favorite way to relax before diving into the hustle and constant headache of lobbying and politics in DC. The outcomes of his work were well worth the headaches though; he couldn't deny that. Rafael lived for the chance to bring about change, but he definitely needed this peace before the fight started again each day. He skimmed through the national news, pausing occasionally when an article caught his eye.

When he flicked to the next page his eyes were drawn by an article from New York. Those ones tended to get more attention than news from other areas. There was always the chance news from New York would contain something about his former squad, and he liked keeping tabs on his friends whenever possible.

The moment he read the headline a buzzing started in his ears. The further he read the worse it got until the buzzing became a shrieking, like a kettle left to heat too long.

_Hero Cop Uses Own Body to Shield Six Year Old_

_For six year old Carter Lanton, July 12th could very well have been the scariest day of his life, but it may have also been the luckiest. When Carter's father, Jake Lanton, turned his rage against his son, it was NYPD's Captain Olivia Benson who came to his rescue. Lanton, however, was not willing to let Carter go so easily. Before the Captain could even attempt to reach Carter or reason with his father, Lanton attacked, punching Benson in the face and sending her to the ground. Once he thought she was out of the way Lanton turned toward his son. Olivia Benson wasn't about to let that happen despite a concussion and multiple broken bones in her face. Left with no recourse, Benson physically wrapped her body around Carter, taking all of the blows meant for the six year old._

_Sources report that had Benson not reacted as she had, Carter could have been killed by the time backup arrived. Instead he suffered only minor injuries. With his father in custody on multiple charges, Carter has nothing to fear, thanks in part to Olivia Benson. Meanwhile the hero who used her own body to protect an innocent child from harm remains under physician care at Mercy Hospital. While it will take some time for her to heal, she is expected to make a full recovery. _

For a long time Rafael could only stare down at the paper in shock, his hands shaking.

_Liv…_

Without consciously deciding to do it, he gathered up his things and headed for the door. Any plans he'd previously had for the day were no longer important. He had somewhere else he needed to be.

O . o . O . o . O

Even though it was only mid-afternoon, Olivia was asleep when Rafael arrived after flying into New York and finally tracking her down at the hospital. The doctors assured him her unconscious state was more from the heavy duty painkillers she was being given than her concussion. Settling himself into a chair at her bedside he took her hand into his. There was a smattering of bruises across the exposed skin of both arms. They hardly made the list of things Rafael was concerned about. The bandage that covered her left eye and part of her forehead and cheek was the most concerning. He expected that bandage covered the worst of her injuries, and if the edges of the dark bruises sticking out from the covering were any indication then the damage underneath must be terrible. The bruising was bad enough it had basically given Olivia a second black eye. Broken bones could do that.

Rafael sighed and gently rubbed his thumb over Olivia's knuckles.

"What did you do, Liv?"

He knew the literal answer to that question to a certain extent, but it just didn't seem like enough explanation. It was bad enough that someone had hurt her, but based on the article he'd read she'd basically brought this on herself. Rafael had known Olivia long enough to realize that if there was someone who needed her protection she would do everything she could no matter the risk. She had a history of running into danger, but she usually wasn't quite this reckless. The only time he could remember that she'd suffered any real injuries had been of no fault of her own. That time she hadn't gone toward danger, it had come to her. Now that he thought about it, she had far more visible injuries now than she'd had then. Hopefully this time it wouldn't leave as much mental damage. He couldn't stand the thought of watching her go through that level of residual trauma again.

Bowing his head over their clasped hands, Rafael focused on taking slow controlled breaths to try and maintain his composure. When Olivia finally woke up she was going to need him at his best. No matter how hard that was for him, he was going to make sure she got that.

\- - - - Three Days Prior - - - -

Olivia's eyes flickered down to her watch and back up again. It was much later than she would have liked to get Noah home. There was one important thing preventing that from happening though: Noah's playground friend, Carter. The two boys had met that day and had happily been entertaining each other for hours. Olivia wouldn't have minded calling an end to their play except that she'd seen no sign of either of Carter's parents. She couldn't leave a six year old alone this later at night. It had seemed strange at first that she'd never seen any adults with Carter since they'd been there, but now she was starting to wonder if there might be more going on here than overly trusting parents. It definitely had her instincts on high alert.

"Hey, Noah?"

Her son hurtled to a stop atop the playset and beamed at her.

"Yeah?"

"Will you and Carter come over here please?"

"Okay!" Noah shouted back.

She heard him yell, "Let's go," to Carter before racing toward the slide, grabbing the bar above it, and launching himself with enough speed to make her heat skip a beat. Carter followed along behind in an only slightly more sedate manner.

"Yes, Mommy?" Noah asked with the beaming smile that Olivia had come to consider his "keep Mom wrapped around my finger" smile.

"We're going to have to head home pretty soon, sweetheart. It's getting late."

"Aww, do we have to?"

"We do. Why don't you pick a few last things to do while I talk to Carter?"

Noah glanced at his friend but didn't see anything strange in his mom wanting to talk to Carter alone. He dashed off to play again. Olivia knelt down in front of Carter and smiled at him reassuringly. While she wasn't sure what she was looking at, all of the possibilities could be things a child would try to hide or deny.

"Do you know when one of your parents will be here to pick you up, Carter?"

He shrugged.

"It's just my dad. He's late a lot, but he'll come."

"He's late a lot?"

"Yeah. He falls asleep a lot and forgets he needs to pick me up."

"He does?"

"Uh huh. Sometimes I can't wake him up, but most times I don't try. He gets really mad when I wake him. It's better when he's asleep."

Olivia's forehead creased as she considered that. His story touched some familiar notes. Those notes triggered a lot of other red flags.

"Does your dad get sick a lot too?"

Carter's mouth fell open in surprise.

"How did you know that?"

"Because my mom fell asleep a lot too, and she was always late to pick me up. It sounds kind of like your dad. When my mom got sick, I always had to clean up after her too."

He glanced down and scuffed the toe of his shoe in the dirt of the playground. That was something he had to do a lot too, but he wasn't going to tell Noah's mom that. Somehow she already knew way more than he'd ever told anyone else. He didn't want to get his dad in trouble. If that happened then Carter would be alone. His dad might not be the greatest dad in the world, but at least he meant Carter had one.

Olivia knew what he was trying to hide despite his best efforts. She'd lived those lies herself.

"Has he ever gotten so mad that he's hurt you?"

Carter immediately shook his head, but it was so emphatic that Olivia wasn't sure if he was actually telling the truth.

"He just yells a lot. It can be scary when he's really mad, but he wouldn't hurt me. He's my dad."

If only that reasoning actually worked. Olivia knew better. Her gut was screaming that this was a bad situation, but there wasn't much she could directly do. Left with no other choice, she pulled out a business card, one of the special ones with her cell number written on the back, and held it out to Carter.

"This is my phone number. I'm a police officer, and one of my jobs is to protect people and make sure they stay safe. If your dad ever gets really mad again and scares you, promise me you'll call me?"

Carter glanced down at the little card in his hand. Eventually he bit his lip and nodded. His answer at least lifted some of the strain hovering over Olivia.

"Good. Keep that somewhere safe then."

Nodding silently he slipped the card into his pocket. Noah came bounding over and skid to a halt right next to his mom so he could wrap his arms around her.

"I went on all the slides and the monkey bars again. Are you done talking to Carter so we can play again?"

Olivia hesitated. She'd really been hoping Carter's father would have shown up before she'd been done talking to him so she wouldn't have to make a decision about what to do. Now it looked like she was going to have to make that choice anyway.

"Hey!"

Carter's head snapped up with enough force to give someone whiplash. The shout drew Olivia's attention too, though Carter's response would have been enough to alert her without the shout. It looked like she wasn't going to need to make a choice after all. She knew who the man coming toward them had to be. He didn't appear visibly drunk, but Olivia knew that didn't mean much.

"What 'choo doin', boy?"

"Just playing with my new friend," Carter answered meekly as he waved at Noah.

That drew Jake Lanton's attention to Olivia for the first time.

"And who're you?" he demanded.

Olivia had no intention of making the situation any worse and she definitely didn't want to tip Carter's father off that she suspected something. That could put Carter in more danger.

"Olivia Benson. I'm Noah's mom."

"What 'choo want with my boy?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to make sure he had a ride home. I told him I would stay until you got here to make sure he was safe."

Jake eyed her suspiciously. Whether or not he believed the small lie Olivia wasn't sure, but he didn't push the issue. Instead he grabbed for Carter's arm.

"Let's go."

Noah waved goodbye, completely oblivious to the tension. Olivia watched impassively. This was a situation she was definitely going to be following up on. As much as she could at least.

* * *

_Author's Note: So I started writing this story prior to season 21 which meant I needed to make some changes if I wanted it to still "sort of" fit. While it was easy enough to switch out Olivia's title, I definitely didn't want to pull Carisi out of the story. Not only would it be a pain in the butt, but I'm actually rather fond of him anyway._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

\- - - - Two Days Later - - - -

Olivia squeezed Noah tight and rocked him back and forth. It was their usual morning routine and left Noah in a fit of giggles. As always, his laughter was contagious. Olivia found herself laughing too as she ruffled his hair.

"Have fun today, and behave for Lucy."

"I will."

"I know you will," Olivia laughed. "I'll see you when I get home from work."

She leaned down to kiss his forehead before heading for the door. Noah skipped after her.

"Hey, Mom? Can we get ice cream when you get home?"

Olivia glanced back at her son, a smile tugging at her lips. That request was very Noah.

"We'll see."

"You should just say yes."

"Oh I should, should I?" she replied, barely managing to keep herself from laughing.

"Yup, because ice cream makes people happier."

Olivia read between the lines of those words. Noah thought she needed to be happier. She'd been rather preoccupied and worried since meeting Carter two evenings ago. Her frustration with how the system worked hadn't made her mood any better either. She'd obviously shown some of that frustration when she'd come home from work yesterday even though she tried to hide her work-related emotions. Noah was far more observant than she gave him credit for sometimes. Maybe she would take him out for ice cream tonight, but he didn't need to know that. Not yet at least.

"You're right about it making people happier, but we'll still have to see. Now I have to go to work."

"Okay. Bye, Mom!"

After giving him one final wave Olivia slipped out the door. She was definitely going to make sure she got out of work early enough to take her boy out for an ice cream.

Before she could get more than halfway to the precinct her cellphone rang. There was no name listed with the number, and it wasn't a recognizable police number either.

"Captain Benson."

The only thing she heard on the other end was heavy breathing and inaudible screaming coming from the background. Olivia found the closest place to pull over and clutched the phone tight enough to make her knuckles blanch white.

"Hello?"

_"Mrs. Benson?"_

The voice on the other end of the line was tiny and terrified, barely more than a whisper. It could only be one person. Nobody else would use that title for her, and even barely audible she recognized the voice.

"Carter?"

_"Daddy's really mad."_

"Okay. Okay, Carter. Has he been drinking?"

_"Yes. There are a lot of cans in the kitchen. I didn't count them."_

"That's okay, sweetheart. That's okay. Can you tell me what your dad is doing?"

_"He's yelling really loud and throwing stuff."_

Olivia took a slow breath. No matter what she was feeling she couldn't let Carter hear any of it. While she knew she needed answers to some questions, she was almost scared to hear them.

"Did he throw things at you?"

There was a tiny sniffle in reply.

"Carter, did he hurt you?"

_"Only a little…"_

Only a little in his mind could be a lot more than a little in reality. Olivia didn't like the sound of that. Carter's father was definitely escalating, and he might not be done yet.

"Where are you now?"

_"In a cabinet. Hiding. My arm hurts."_

"Is your dad looking for you?"

_"Yes,"_ Carter whispered, his voice shaking. _ "He says I better come out or…"_

"Or what, sweetheart?"

_"Or he'll kick my ass so hard I won't be able to sit down ever again."_

Olivia's blood ran cold. Carter had to have repeated that threat word for word. With that level of rage and the alcohol in his system, Jake Lanton could easily do more than beat his son until he couldn't sit down. He could kill him. Choked back sobs drifted across the line before Olivia could reply.

_"I'm scared."_

"It's going to be okay, sweetheart. I'm going to come get you, okay? Can you tell me where you are?"

_"1947 25th Street."_

"Okay, good. Listen to me. You stay hidden and quiet. I'll be right there. Just hold on."

_"Okay."_

Olivia hung up only long enough to pull back into traffic. The next second she was back on the phone again, only this time to her squad.

"Fin, I'm not going to be in this morning. Carter Lanton just called me. It sounds like his dad is about to kill him."

That set off alarm bells in Fin's head. He'd seen how invested Olivia had become in Carter's case yesterday, and how frustrated she'd been when she couldn't do anything. Those were the types of cases that could lead Olivia into making rash decisions.

_"Where are you now, Liv?"_

"On my way to pick him up."

Fin should have guessed that. There was no way he could stop her from going, but he could at least try to protect her.

_"Tell me where, and I'll send you backup."_

"1947 25th Street."

_"Will do. You wait for them, Liv, ya hear me? Handling this by yourself is a bad idea."_

"I hear you, Fin. They better drive fast though."

Olivia hung up and focused on weaving through traffic as quickly as possible. Without the benefit of lights and a siren there was only so much she could do. Still, she had promised Carter he would be alright, and she wouldn't let him down. Two days ago she'd suspected his life was in danger. If something happened to him now she would never forgive herself.

O . o . O . o . O

"I'm just turning onto 25th now. Where are you?" Olivia demanded over the phone.

_"We're about fifteen minutes out,"_ Carisi returned. _"Maybe ten if traffic cooperates."_

Olivia cursed silently. Fifteen minutes wasn't good enough. She was probably only five minutes away. While she was willing to wait for backup and understood the importance of not going in alone, there was only so long she was willing to sit and twiddle her thumbs.

"You better make it ten, Carisi."

_"We're doing our best, Cap. I called in some local backup too. Maybe they'll get there before us."_

"Someone better. There's a six year old boy's life on the line."

_"I hear you, Captain. We're doing everything we can."_

Olivia had to hope their best was going to be good enough. Her eyes flicked from one address to the next, searching for the right house number. Finally she spotted it. From the outside the place looked quiet. Normal really, but Olivia knew there was nothing normal about what was happening inside.

"I think I'm here. Hold on a second."

She parked at the curb and stepped out. There was still no sign of anything wrong.

_"What's going on, Liv?"_

"I'm here. I don't see anything yet."

_"Then back off. You need to wait for backup. Don't you dare go in there by yourself."_

Olivia heard him but didn't pay much attention. She continued approaching the house. As she got closer the silence was broken. Screaming drifted out to her loud enough to be understood.

"You little piece of shit! I told you I'd kick your ass when I found you."

Olivia's brain immediately went into overdrive. There was no time to wait anymore. If she didn't do something now it would be too late. Carisi and Rollins would just have to join her when they could.

"I'm going in," she warned.

_"Damn it, Liv! Wait for us! You can't face this guy alone!"_

He didn't get the chance to continue arguing with her because Olivia ended the call and slid her phone back into her pocket. She couldn't afford to waste any attention on Carisi. Finding a way to get Carter out of the house safely was going to take all of her focus.

She slid her hand onto her gun as a precaution but didn't draw it. Her hope was that she wouldn't need it, but it was better to be safe. If the situation devolved enough that she needed to draw her weapon she would need to do so quickly.

Olivia banged her fist on the door and called out.

"Police! Open the door!"

The screaming ceased and once again silence reigned over the house. It didn't last. Within seconds the house erupted again, only this time even louder than before.

"Her again?! You called her didn't you, you little bastard?!"

Lanton must have glanced out the window by the door and caught sight of her because she'd never identified herself as a cop when they'd first met. There was no way he would recognize her simply by her voice either. Clearly he wasn't pleased to see her by any stretch of the word, and it was very possible he wouldn't open the door. Olivia braced herself to break down the door when it was suddenly ripped open, bringing with it an intense smell of alcohol. She barely caught a glimpse of Jake Lanton before pain absolutely exploded across her face as his fist made contact.

"Nooo!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

"Nooo!"

The endless high pitched scream blended with the dull buzz ringing in Olivia's ears. The force of the blow had been enough to throw her off her feet. An intense agony was cascading through her head, making any coherent thought completely impossible. She struggled desperately to put enough pieces together to understand what was happening. Nothing was very clear.

A blurred shape – tiny, so very tiny – darted past the larger shape. As it did the high pitched scream became louder and was quickly joined by a deeper screaming. Olivia's eyes were locked on the scene in front of her, trying to process it. Carter was racing toward her, panic stricken. Then a fist was raised. Alarm bells went off in Olivia's aching head, but her brain was too rattled from the dual impacts of fist and concrete to be able to react quickly enough.

Jake's fist made solid contact with his son's back, sending the unsuspecting child hurtling toward the ground with a cry. As Jake Lanton continued to advance on his son, murder in his bloodshot eyes, Olivia reacted on pure instinct. Scrambling toward Carter she threw herself on top of him and curled around his body. If it hadn't been for adrenaline, the movement probably would have caused her to black out.

As the first blow fell against Olivia's back she tried to focus on the trembling body pressed against hers. He was well worth whatever pain she had to face, and she _would_ protect him.

There were three more impacts against Olivia's back, each one taking her breath away. When the next strike didn't come Olivia's eyes slid open. Maybe this was her opportunity to get Carter to safety. Before she could make a move though she was kicked again. This time the impact landed on her upper arm, and she curled tighter around Carter.

Eventually Olivia lost track of the number of times Lanton's boot made contact with her body. There was no break in the attacks, and the pain was starting to become mixed with numbness. While she didn't have a clear sense of how much time had passed, Carisi and Rollins couldn't be that far away. She would just have to hold out until they arrived.

"Get off of him, you bitch! You can't protect the little bastard forever!" Lanton screamed.

He stomped his boot down onto Olivia's side, drawing a gasp of pain from her. That wasn't good enough though. Lanton continued stomping on her ribs and any other exposed part of her body until he realized a better way to take her out. His foot connected with Olivia's face, snapping her head back and severing her link with consciousness. Even so, some bone deep instinct knew what was at stake. Unconscious or not, Olivia remained curled around Carter and refused to let go of him.

The sound of sirens didn't even register on Jake Lanton's alcohol saturated mind. He continued his attack on Olivia despite the fact that she was incapacitated. After all, she hadn't let go of his son.

As they reached the house, Carisi and Rollins could barely understand what they were seeing. Amanda slammed on the brakes and drew the car up to the curb. Carisi was out the door before the car had even come to a complete stop. He was quickly followed by his partner and their local backup. Without hesitation Carisi launched himself at Jake Lanton, tackling him and knocking him away from Olivia. He wouldn't have been able to keep Jake down without help from two other officers.

Amanda was already on her radio before she reached Olivia.

"10-13! 10-13! Officer down! I need an ambulance at 1947 25th Street immediately!"

She dropped to her knees next to Olivia and immediately searched for a pulse. Her search found a steady beat which at least allowed her to breathe a little bit easier. It was then that she heard a quiet sniffling.

"Carter? Honey, is that you?"

There was slight movement as Carter shifted in Olivia's arms and peered up at Amanda. His tear streaked face tore at her heart.

"Are you okay?"

Carter sniffled again and nodded, but still stayed clinging to Olivia's shirt. When Amanda tried to unwind Olivia's arms from around the little boy she found herself in for a fight.

"It's okay, Liv. He's safe now. You can let go."

While she knew Olivia was unconscious and couldn't hear her, she had to hope her words would somehow sink into her captain's subconscious. Amanda had to slowly finesse Olivia's grasp to get her to release Carter. She gathered the little boy into her arms and looked for Carisi. He was heading back toward her after having secured Jake Lanton in the back of a squad car.

"I've got him," Amanda told her partner as she cradled the six year old to her chest. "You check on Liv."

"Alright. Ambulance on the way?"

Amanda nodded and picked Carter up to bring him to their car. As she walked away she took one last look at her boss. Olivia still hadn't woken up. Carisi had brushed Olivia's hair aside. While Amanda couldn't see Liv's face, Carisi's told her there must be a lot of damage there.

O . o . O . o . O

While Carter was safe in ACS custody, there was still plenty of paperwork to be done and reports to be written in order to ensure Jake Lanton was charged with both child abuse and assault on a police captain. All of that could wait though. At the moment the only thing that really mattered to Rollins and Carisi was Olivia.

Carisi was curled over on the hospital's hard plastic chair, fingers twisted in his hair. He still couldn't get the image of Olivia's bruised and bloody face out of his head. What he had seen automatically made him consider how bad the injuries that he couldn't see were.

"Why couldn't she have just waited for us? We weren't that far away."

"Even with Liv there that little boy walked away with multiple bruises, some of them pretty bad," Amanda replied.

He understood that Carter hadn't had the time to spare, and Olivia's actions had saved him from far worse injuries. The problem was, it didn't alleviate the fear.

"There's also the fact that this guy was a drunk," Amanda added. "Liv knows what it's like to live with a parent like that. Whether consciously or unconsciously, I think that's part of the reason she did everything she did today. She couldn't turn her back on Carter. Not when he was so close to a mirror image of herself. Nobody had been there to help her, but she would damn sure be there to help him."

"I get it. I do. Both the risk to Carter and Liv's need to protect him. None of that makes me feel any better though. Not with our Cap still unconscious."

Amanda couldn't really argue that. So far the only thing they knew was that there was a high probability Olivia had a concussion and broken bones. The big questions of how severe and how many were still unknown.

"She'll be alright, Sonny."

"She's got a head injury, Amanda. Anything can happen with those."

Also true. She sighed and sat down next to Carisi. The only thing they could do was wait. It was probably going to drive them both absolutely crazy.

Twenty five minutes later they got a slight reprieve from their silent worrying. Fin turned up to join them, looking even more worried than they did if that was possible.

"How's Liv?"

"We don't know much yet," Amanda admitted. "The doctors are still running tests."

"Not exactly reassuring."

"No, it's not," Carisi muttered.

He hadn't even bothered to take his head out of his hands. Fin glanced at him but didn't say anything about it. They had another concern.

"The press has already got wind of this."

"What? How?" Amanda asked in shock.

"No idea," Fin answered. "Best guess is word got out over the radio or someone from the local precinct talked."

"At least it's not bad publicity."

"Yeah, because Liv definitely needs a bunch of reporters crawling around her hospital room," Carisi grumbled.

Fin glanced once again at Carisi and had to resist the urge to hit him.

"You're just a little ray of sunshine, aren't you?"

"You feeling very sunny right now?" Carisi shot back.

"I'm at least not being an ass."

"You also didn't see our Captain beat to a bloody pulp up close either."

That made the bottom fall out of Fin's stomach. He managed to keep that expression off his face, but it was a near thing even for him. Needing to confirm Carisi's take, he looked to Amanda.

"It wasn't as bad as he's making it sound. Not really at least."

"Not really or not?"

Amanda hesitated. She didn't want to give Fin the wrong idea, but she couldn't deny that Liv had taken more than just a punch or two.

"Depends on your definition of bloody pulp."

Yeah, because that was helpful. And here he'd been expecting a straight answer from one of them. Apparently that was asking for too much. He would just have to wait for the doctors.

"Fantastic…"

This was pretty much Fin's worst nightmare. He'd never wanted to be in a decision making position. The background was where he belonged. Now he'd been forced into the top role. Normally that would both piss him off and leave him at a complete loss, but not this time. His only decisions right now had to do with protecting Liv, and that was something he definitely knew how to do.

"Alright. I'll give the hospital a heads up that the vultures are circling. They should be able to keep them off Liv. We'll feed them the minimum possible. Liv gets the recognition she deserves, but we keep them the hell away from her."

"Sounds like a plan to me," Amanda replied.

"You think this is bad enough they'll admit her?"

Carisi's snort in response to that question told Fin everything he needed to know without hearing Amanda's actual answer. Olivia was definitely hurt bad if the answer was that obvious.

"I'd be surprised if they didn't."

"Then we're going to have to get a hold of Liv's sitter and figure out what to do about Noah."

"I have Lucy's number. I'll call her. We'll figure something out if we have to."

Hopefully they would only have to worry about it for one night.

* * *

_Author's Note: So glad so many of your seem to be enjoying this. Now you'll all need to brace yourselves as the next chapter will be the last. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

They had been wrong about Olivia's stay being only one night. Very wrong, as proven by the fact that Rafael was able to sit at her bedside at Mercy Hospital after he'd found out about her injury in the paper.

Each time Rafael managed to pull himself together he saw something else that sickened him. This time it was the bruising on the back of her hand that held a very recognizable shoe sole pattern. Her hand had obviously been stomped on. He ran his finger very gently over the partial waffle pattern. It must have been excruciating, though with all of her other injuries chances were she hadn't even noticed the one to her hand. Considering how dark the bruises there were, he was kind of surprised she didn't have any broken bones in her hand.

As he continued stroking her fingers he noticed them twitch. It sent a jolt of adrenaline through him, and his eyes snapped up to Olivia's face. While he didn't see any movement there, he did recognize her breathing had changed. She was definitely waking up.

"Liv?"

Her one uncovered eye slowly slid open. She didn't seem aware of Rafael's presence until he gently squeezed her hand. Then she turned toward him and blinked a few times, not yet making sense of what she was seeing.

For a moment Rafael wondered if her head injury was bad enough that she'd actually forgotten who he was. He certainly hadn't been gone that long. Some of the haze eventually cleared from her eyes and recognition returned.

"Rafa… what are you doing here?"

He smiled serenely and brushed a ragged piece of hair away from her battered face.

"There was no chance I wouldn't be here once I found out what had happened to you. None," he told her with a sad smile.

Olivia's forehead wrinkled in confusion for a moment before she winced from the pain that action caused. It took her a minute before she could continue with her line of thought.

"How?"

"It's all over the national news, Liv. I heard about it even in DC. The hero cop who saved a little boy's life by becoming a human shield. At the moment I'm not sure whether I'd call her a hero or just stupid."

Olivia sighed and let her eye drift closed. Rafael wasn't the first one to tell her she'd been stupid. She didn't really want to hear it again, especially not from a friend she hadn't seen in over a year.

Rafael hadn't come all this way to criticize her either. He was here to support her, but he also wanted to understand why.

"You have broken ribs, two orbital fractures, bruises over most of your body, and a concussion. A severe enough concussion that you're still in the hospital. You were hurt badly, Liv."

"I know."

It wasn't something she could forget when the pain acted like a constant reminder.

"Why'd you do it, Liv? There had to be other choices. Something else you could have done that wouldn't have landed you here."

"There weren't, Rafa. I didn't have any other options. Not if I wanted to be sure I wasn't too late."

"You met this kid once before, right? That's how he got your number."

"Yes."

"Then why didn't you call ACS when you gave him your card? They could have handled it."

If only they could have handled it. That was the problem though. Olivia had tried. ACS hadn't been enough.

"I did call, but my gut alone doesn't hold a lot of weight with ACS. I had no evidence of abuse and definitely nothing to show immediate need. A simple complaint just put Carter on the long list of families to investigate. We both know how backlogged ACS is."

Rafael rubbed his jaw in irritation. She had a point – he couldn't deny it – but that didn't make him feel any better. A broken system was only partly at fault for his friend's injuries.

"What about backup? You preach it to your squad all the time. Why didn't you listen to your own advice?"

"There wasn't time for backup. I went to look around while I waited for Carisi and Rollins. I heard the screaming. That little boy was in danger right that second, not in five or ten minutes." Olivia was breathing heavily enough that she had to pause to try and catch her breath around the sheering pain in her ribs. When she finally got her breath back and could speak again there was still pain glistening in her eyes, though this time of a different sort. "I know how fast screaming rage can turn into violence. I've been there."

This time the pressure Rafael was putting into rubbing his jaw increased, though the kneading was more at temple level now. Again he understood her reasoning. She'd legitimately tried to wait for backup but hadn't been able to. This was Olivia too. She couldn't ignore someone in need who was right in front of her. It wasn't in her.

"You really need to stop doing this, Liv. Stop putting yourself directly in the line of fire."

"Rafael…"

"No, Liv. Listen to me. You don't bounce back like you used to. Healing takes a lot more time, and now… now you're at the point where you can get hurt badly enough to cause permanent damage."

"Come on, Rafa. I'm fine."

His eyes widened and he waved a hand over her. He couldn't believe she was going to try and pull that card.

"Really? This is what you call fine?"

"I'll _be_ fine," she insisted.

"Sure, this time. This time your injuries will heal and you won't have any lasting damage. What about next time? If that guy had kicked you in the head one more time that would have been it."

Olivia shuddered. That was a reminder she didn't really need. Her doctor had already been overly specific about what could have happened to her if she suffered one more blow to the head before her current concussion healed.

"I'm aware, Rafa. Believe me, I know what could have happened."

"Do you? Do you really? What would have happened to Noah?"

Immediately tears glistened in Olivia's eye and quickly spilled over to run down her cheek. That was a question she'd been asking herself since the moment her brain had unscrambled itself enough for her to consider everything that had happened. Her decision could have left Noah alone. It was terrifying. Even more terrifying was that Olivia couldn't lie to herself. She knew that if she found herself in a similar situation again, she wouldn't hesitate to make the same choice.

The tears of absolute agony etched on Olivia's face broke Rafael's heart and made him wish he'd kept his mouth shut. While he'd wanted to hit Liv with a heavy dose of reality, he hadn't meant to upset her this badly.

"Shh," he soothed and gently stroked her hair. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

Olivia quickly brushed her tears away and reached for his hand.

"Don't be sorry, Rafael. You're right about how this could have impacted Noah. I haven't stopped thinking about the fact that I could have left him an orphan. Again."

Her voice cracked and she had to forcibly slow her breathing down to keep herself from fully breaking down. Rafael squeezed her hand in support, and she clutched at his even tighter. When she spoke again her voice was scratchy but she wasn't in imminent danger of tears.

"But it's because of Noah that I couldn't have made any other choice. I couldn't, Rafael."

"What are you talking about, Liv?"

"That could have been my son. They played together at the park. Carter is only a year younger than Noah. If that had been my son, if someone had been hurting Noah, I would have wanted somebody to step in and protect him no matter what the risk. How couldn't I have done the same?"

Rafael didn't have a good answer to that question. The truth was, she was right. Of course most other people wouldn't have gone to the same extreme that Olivia had.

"You couldn't have. I understand that. But Liv, anyone trying to protect your son wouldn't have kept going until they nearly died. Why did you let it go so far?"

"I never had a chance. You don't exactly expect someone to open the door and punch you in the face before you can even get a word out."

Surprise flashed across Barba's face and he groaned. She really hadn't stood a chance. Worse, he couldn't really be upset with anything she'd chosen to do either. Like she'd said, nobody would have expected to be attacked on first contact. Even if she'd had her gun out it probably wouldn't have done her any good. She'd tried to do all the right things and had met with brick walls on every attempt. Those brick walls had led her down a one way road into a bad situation she couldn't avoid.

"Damn it, Liv. You're going to give me an ulcer one day."

A smile flashed briefly across Olivia's face.

"Sorry," she replied, though she didn't sound very apologetic.

Rafael was about to point that out to her when her exposed eye went wide and her mouth opened in horror.

"Noah…"

"What about him?" Rafael asked in confusion.

"I was going to take him out for ice cream. I remember him asking that morning… right before I left for work. I told myself I would take him. I can't believe I forgot until now."

That had been days ago. She'd been planning on doing something that would make her son absolutely ecstatic and instead he'd gotten multiple days without her. And she'd forgotten all of it. How could she had let that happen?

"You have a concussion, Liv. Your memory is going to be spotty. That doesn't say anything about you as a parent."

Rafael's words didn't even register on Olivia. She was still completely focused on the fact that she'd broken a promise to her son even though she'd never actually made that promise outside of her head.

"I have to make it up to him…"

"Personally," Rafael told her as he turned her head toward him so he knew she was paying attention, "I think Noah's more worried about you being okay than not being able to get ice cream, but if it makes you feel better I can take him."

"Rafa…"

"Really, Liv. I can take him. It's no big deal."

A smile flickered across Olivia's face. Rafael never ceased to warm her heart. He might not be Noah's actual uncle, but there were moments when it didn't feel that way. It just proved that family came in many forms. Hopefully Noah's pronouncement that ice cream makes people happier would be true even if she wasn't there to have it with him.

"Thank you, Rafael."

"Anything for you, Captain."

At that title Olivia's eyes snapped to his and found him smirking at her.

"Yeah, I know about your promotion, _Captain_. I can't believe you didn't tell me."

A slight blush colored the parts of Olivia's face not already darkened by bruises.

"Sorry. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, Rafa. And…"

"And you didn't know if I would care since I wasn't around anymore. Not that I blame you. For the record, I do care and find pleasure in celebrating my friends' accomplishments, particularly yours. So, I'm making a big deal out of it." He beamed at her. "Congratulations, Liv. You deserve it."

"Thank you."

"Can't deny Captain Benson has a nice ring to it."

A slight smile crossed Olivia's face but it was faint and tired. The exhaustion reached her eye too. She needed rest. Rafael could see that and wasn't about to keep her from it. Rest was the best way for her to recover. Before she drifted off though he wanted to make sure she knew one more thing. It was important for her to know she wasn't going to be alone. He squeezed her arm and couldn't help rubbing her bicep with his thumb.

"When they release you, I'm going to take you home and look after you."

Olivia opened her mouth to argue, but Rafael lifted a hand to stop her.

"Liv, as badly hurt as you are, you're going to need some help for a while."

That was true. Olivia knew that she would still be hurting terribly once she was released from the hospital and that she wouldn't be able to do very much. Just taking care of herself would be hard enough. She would probably need help for that part alone, and she would definitely need help looking after Noah. The solution to all of that, however, was much more difficult than Rafael was making it sound. He didn't even live in the city anymore. Olivia wasn't even sure if he still lived in the state. She couldn't take him away from whatever he was involved in in his life now.

"Rafa… you have a life somewhere else now."

"It can wait. _For you._ For you it can wait."


End file.
